Archive for the Reviews/Rants Category

Dead Island – A Fine Cocktail of GTA+L4D2+BUGS!

Posted in Reviews/Rants with tags , , , on February 5, 2012 by derek

So Dead Island has been around for a bit now, and the only reason I got it was because Mike got it and then Josh got it. That and it was on sale for $25.00 on so figured for multiplayer fun, lets do it!

Dead Island... Where GTA+L4D+BUGS come together!

Dead Island... Where GTA+L4D+BUGS come together!

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TGOJ Review – Abobo’s Big Adventure

Posted in Reviews/Rants, Uncategorized with tags , , , on January 21, 2012 by Josh

I first heard about Abobo’s Big Adventure while browsing the articles at I really didn’t know what to expect of this game (considering I never heard anything about it until reading the Joystiq article), but being an NES buff and having seen the teaser screenshot of Abobo’s Big Adventure I knew this was something I wanted to play. I may have gotten as excited seeing the above picture for the first time as I did when I first played Double Dragon 2 with Derek (one of the best co-op games on the NES, second to Contra). For those of you who are unfamiliar with Abobo, he is a reoccurring bad guy character from the Double Dragon series. He’s not your main villain, he just seems to have been cloned 100 times over and always appears at the worst moments to put the beat down on you in all Double Dragon games. Abobo’s Big Adventure stars…Abobo…in an insane and ridiculous quest across multiple NES game worlds to find his missing son Aboboy. Read more »

Things That Do Not Suck in Video Gaming – Part 2

Posted in Reviews/Rants with tags , , , , , , , , on January 10, 2012 by Josh

Happy New Year everyone. We want to thank you all again for following TGOJ throughout 2011. Its been a great first-time experience for us working on the site and our podcasts and we hope you all have been enjoying the content. We also hope you will enjoy what we plan to bring you all in 2012.

I suck at MS Paint...

We are finally catching up on all the games from 2011. This in turn will leave us some time to do what we like to do most: bitch and talk about old games. I thought I’d kick off the new year here at TGOJ with a few more things that definitely don’t suck a (insert genitalia of your choice here). This isn’t completely retro, but most of the points I make here apply to games both old and new. Follow me after the jump for some good TGOJ ranting. Read more »

TGOJ Review – DLC Quest

Posted in Reviews/Rants with tags , , , on December 16, 2011 by Josh

Buy this game right now if you have a buck.

I was introduced to this game just a few days ago by Mike…and within two hours, I finished this game. Within those two hours, DLC Quest won me over. DLC Quest isn’t a long or complex and deep game. It’s also not retro by any means. So why do I care? Follow me after the jump to read why I think this game, and its developer, need some attention. Read more »

TGOJ Retro Review – Super Mario Kart

Posted in Reviews/Rants with tags , , , , , , on November 29, 2011 by Josh

Mario in a non-platforming game...unheard of.

With the upcoming release of Mario Kart 7 on the 3DS, I thought it would be a good time to reflect on another great classic of the annals of gaming…Super Mario Kart. This trend of reviewing “good” current and retro games will not last forever here on Three Guys One Joystick, so enjoy the kind words found in this article about Super Mario Kart. Read more »

TGOJ Thanksgiving Retro Review – Eggomania

Posted in Reviews/Rants with tags on November 24, 2011 by Josh

A chicken that looks like a turkey shitting eggs onto a frog looking bear with a tray on his head...genius!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I hope you all stay awake long enough after your Thanksgiving feasts to get some valuable vacation-game time in. I was trying to think of a Thanksgiving and turkey related video game and the only game that came to mind was the 1982 Atari game Eggomania starring a chicken that looked like a turkey. This game played much like Kaboom for the Atari. The turkey-chicken would crap eggs onto the lower half of the screen and the player would have to control the blue bear (yes, that’s a bear) across the bottom of the screen with an Atari paddle. The bear would catch these eggs with a plate attached to his head. The object was simple, catch as many eggs as possible. At the end of a round, you had the opportunity to launch the eggs back at the turkey-chicken for bonus points. The game had two challenge levels which would alter the size of the plate on the bears head. After each round, the game would naturally increase in difficulty as the gameplay would increase in speed. There isn’t much more to say about this crap game, but it served its purpose for me as acting as our holiday retro review to you readers. Don’t play this pile of shit, just check out some gameplay footage on YouTube.

Have a great turkey day everyone, and be sure to take advantage of all those sales out there right now to grab some of the great games that have been released this year. I’ve already given a recap of what games I deemed worthy of a purchase. Also check out Cheap Ass Gamer to direct you to all the great video game deals out there right now.

TGOJ Retro Reviews – Hyperzone

Posted in Reviews/Rants with tags , , , , , on November 21, 2011 by Josh
Get ready to shoot things all hyper like

Get ready to shoot things all hyper like.

The Super NES (or SNES) launched in 1991 with only a few games. Super Mario World, F-Zero, Pilotwings, SimCity and Gradius 3 were it. These were great games though. Gradius III, SimCity and Super Mario World allowed us to revisit familiar franchises re-imagined with the power this new console had to offer. F-Zero and Pilotwings were basically thrown into the mix to show off the SNES’s Mode-7 capabilities. A month after it launched, the SNES was heating up with releases such as Populous, Super R-Type, U.N. Squadron, Final Fight and Hyperzone (to name a few). Derek and I were late to the console’s launch, receiving our SNES late in the year of 1992. That didn’t stop us from buying SNES launch titles. One of those games we ended up with was Hyperzone. Read more »

What’s in Mike’s Pocket? Bike Baron!

Posted in Reviews/Rants with tags , , , , , , on November 18, 2011 by Mike

Motorcycle - check. Ramps - check. Crazy jumps - check. Playable weird pig creature - check.

I’m a big fan of Trials HD on XBLA.  Trials HD is a game about a guy on a motorcycle who has to navigate increasingly difficult obstacle courses.  The gameplay is strictly 2D, so it feels a lot like Excitebike and Mario had a really fun baby.

I also play a lot of games on my iPhone.  So naturally I’ve wanted to combine these two things for quite a while. Read more »

Skyrim Impressions – Our Needless Contribution to the Pool of Reviews

Posted in Reviews/Rants with tags , , , , , , , , , , on November 14, 2011 by Josh
Special Pot

Cooking Pot of +10 Store Clerk Blindness

Derek and I finally got our hands on Skyrim, and it hasn’t let us down yet. We both know there are over 60 reviews for this game, and we know that this game has received high marks. So we won’t bore you too much with a detailed and professional review. We decided to give you our first impressions of the game, tell you if this game is worth what minimal gaming time you have, and compare this to a few other modern RPGs we like. Follow us after the break below for our Skyrim impressions!

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Gaming 2011 – Reflecting On What I Played This Year That Hasn’t Sucked

Posted in Reviews/Rants with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 12, 2011 by Josh

I was very worried about the quality of games coming out this year. We started on a high note with Dead Space 2 (that game made me rock hard) and then the shitty tone was set with the release of Dragon Age 2 and Ghostbusters: Sanctum of Slime (totally flaccid). But as they say, “don’t put all your eggs in one basket”… or, “I shouldn’t have said that all games this year are going to suck ass based on my hatred for just a few games I played back in March.” Continue on after the break to hear about the games that are worthy of your time.

Crysis 2

Crysis 2 even looks this good on consoles...take that PC gamers!

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