Things That Do Not Suck in Video Gaming – Part 2

by Josh

Happy New Year everyone. We want to thank you all again for following TGOJ throughout 2011. Its been a great first-time experience for us working on the site and our podcasts and we hope you all have been enjoying the content. We also hope you will enjoy what we plan to bring you all in 2012.

I suck at MS Paint...

We are finally catching up on all the games from 2011. This in turn will leave us some time to do what we like to do most: bitch and talk about old games. I thought I’d kick off the new year here at TGOJ with a few more things that definitely don’t suck a (insert genitalia of your choice here). This isn’t completely retro, but most of the points I make here apply to games both old and new. Follow me after the jump for some good TGOJ ranting.

1. Batman Arkham City and Dark Souls Save Points:

Mike has pointed out that it really doesn’t make sense for developers to make a gamer painfully spend their time searching or waiting for a save point in a game. The average gamer is in their late 20’s or early 30’s, and time to play games is hard to come by. So why the hell would we want to waste that time trying to find a friggin’ save point? Batman Arkham CIty and Dark Souls do the game-saving right. There may be other games I’ve overlooked that do it well, but these two newer games stand out in my mind as fine examples of what to do when handling game saving. What is ironic is that for as old school and brutal as Dark Souls is for an RPG, their saving system is amazing.  The game constantly saves your game state and is only second to the save system of a console emulator on your PC. Another irony: although Dark Souls is in-depth and is an insanely hardcore RPG, the game can be played in short bursts. I found myself playing the game for 30 minutes daily at one point just to farm for souls to level up my character. Since the game saves constantly, it was easy to put the game down without worry of what may happen to my progress.

I think we are done saving game states the old way. Time for modern day game developers to make saving an afterthought.

Batman Arkham City handles game saving great as well. Batman AC always seems to save your game when ever you do anything and you don’t have to think about saving the game or waiting for a checkpoint before you quit. All game developers should take note of how these two games handle save games!

2. The Wii Remote when not used as a Wii Remote

Let’s face it, motion controls still suck. Whether you are using a Playstation Move, the Wii Remote or the Xbox 360 Kinect…there is still something lacking in motion controls. Whats lacking is the ability to play a game correctly. I haven’t played current Kinect entries like The Gunstringer which may have gotten the Kinect down right. I haven’t even played any Playstation Move games since the Move’s release. I own a Wii and almost every game I’ve played using motion controls is just gimmicky and shitty and the Wii Remote controls are usually unresponsive (with the exception of a few games which happen to be the only games I still own for that system).  Zelda: Skyward Sword is the best game to utilize any sort of motion controls to date for any platform, but motion controls still have some work to be done.

The way the Wii was meant to be played. With the virtual console and the remote positioned like this.

The Wii Remote, however, is still the best controller out of the three I have mentioned here. Not for its motion controls though, but for the fact that when I turn the controller on it’s side it mimics one of the greatest controllers of all time: the original NES controller. You can’t do shit with the Playstation Move or Kinect other than the shitty motion controlling they are meant to be used for…however the Kinect allows one an even lazier alternative to navigating Netflix if you misplace your Xbox 360 controller and don’t feel like leaving the couch to find it.

3. Dragon form on Ninja Crusaders

This game was a steamy pile of muddy assholes…but the dragon form was bad ass.  Walls were no match for my dragon form!

Jesus this game sucked ass...but dragons always w00t!

4. Practically all games but Bart vs. the Space Mutants

The worst way to experience The Simpsons was by playing this game.

There are other games out there that deserve more shat upon them then Bart vs. the Space Mutants, but this has to be one of the worst games ever just for the fact that its controls were bass-ackwards. I played this for the first time on the NES, and by then Super Mario Bros. had set a standard for how all controls worked on any platform/action game for that system. Bart vs. the Space Mutants had to be different though. The ‘A’ button was used as the action button, and the ‘B’ button was for jumping AND held down for running. Why the developers for this game thought it was necessary to mess with the golden standard was beyond me and I knew it was wrong even at the age of 11 when I first tried this game. I believe for the first time in my young life I began to feel pain in my hand from playing a video game. As all gamers know, this control scheme is sacrilegious. ‘A’ is always for jumping, and ‘B’ is always for action and/or running!

5. n00bs playing Battlefield 3

I love Battlefield 3. I like how open the maps are, I like all the vehicles, I like how there are 24 people playing at once, and I like how I can play with 3 other friends in my own 4 person squad and ignore everyone else on my team and still have a good time. The game is also not twitchy like Modern Warfare games which allows me some time to react during a fire fight. I will make a point to play Modern Warfare 3 eventually just to take a shit on it and tell all you fanboys why Modern Warfare games suck dick cream and I will feel better about my endorsement of Battlefield 3 as the better online modern war FPS game. The only issue I have with Battlefield 3 right now is that I am still not good at it. Hell, I’m usually not good compared to anyone on any competitive FPS game.

Bring it on n00bs!

In addition to what I mentioned above that makes this game still enjoyable though are the newbies that play it. I prey upon those assholes just to get some frags so I can level up a bit an unlock more equipment and weapons that I will never master using. I will, however, enjoy taking aim at some more newbs with these brand new weapons!

Don’t let all this negativity get you down…enjoy the new year, gamers! Play some of those good games you’ve acquired over the holidays and ALWAYS throw on a shitty game once in a while to help you appreciate those great games and the points I’ve made above even more.

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